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-hopeful af

It had been two months or two weeks, she wasn’t quite sure, it felt like she’d lived a 100 lives the last 8 years and it now didn’t feel like time mattered, but this had been the most intense almost three months of it all and she was scared af. In the studio, in public, with her friends, anywhere but in bed. When they were alone it felt like he healed all the wounds he didn’t cause and erased the scars other people had given her and didn’t give a damn about. She watched show after show and mostly just stood to the side watching, only him of course, hers. Earplugged, hot punk watching O finally was tasting that peace she had long felt she had to have to be given actual life again. She felt loved, and felt her love wanted, it was all..different and not without its challenges. Raw, honest and sometimes kind of unhinged. In a way she didn’t think she deserved and in a way she sometimes wasn’t sure what to do with. He arrived too soon in some respects, she wasn’t ready to be whole, she was certainly messy af, and she wasn’t ready for his unpredictability, people you fall in love with aren’t supposed to be like this..thrown at his calming of her quite valid fears and his ability to make his frustration with some things she said seem loving, something seemed to be on their side, something O couldn’t quite put her finger on…it just felt different. Maybe she was different, he certainly was and didn’t feel like home yet, he felt more like a relaxing, warm, bright, rum filled holiday to the Bahamas, one you’re dreading leaving, anxious that it will soon be over, needing plenty more…she walked back to find him and rebooked her whole damn tour on route. Eh, home was where your heart is, she thought..but her own was wherever the Bahamas was, and perhaps that’s where she belonged, perhaps she was deluded but she hoped and jumped into his sweaty ass arms. Ah, that’s what was different. Hope. It had been too damn long..