Latest Blog Post
dear diary.
I don’t know how to start this. I’ve written and erased so many words, but none of them feels like enough. Noir is gone. He left without a word, and I don’t understand why. He’s been silent before, sure, but never like this. This silence feels sharp, like it’s cutting into me with every hour he doesn’t reply.
I keep thinking about all the reasons he might’ve left. Did my papa say something to him? Did he threaten him? I wouldn’t put it past him, papa has always hated how close we are. Or maybe this is Noir’s choice. Maybe he doesn’t think he’s good enough for me. He’s always been like that, so quick to downplay his worth, as if he doesn’t see how much he means to me.
But why wouldn’t he talk to me first? Noir knows I trust him more than anyone. If he told me to jump off a cliff, I wouldn’t hesitate, because I’d know he had a plan to catch me at the bottom. That’s how much I believe in him. With him, I never needed to question anything; his presence alone was enough to make me feel safe. And now, without him, I feel like I’m drifting in a place I don’t recognize. I don’t even know how to move forward without him, because I never imagined a world where he wasn’t by my side. Noir wouldn’t leave me without a reason, I know that in my heart; but the silence is unbearable, and the not knowing is tearing me apart.
I don’t care if we can’t be something exclusive or simple. I never needed him to be perfect. I just need him here. With me.
And now I’m sitting here, wondering if I’ll ever get the chance to ask why. I don’t even know how to end this, because I don’t want it to end.
I miss him. So much.
Posted 12/29/2024, 9:00 AM